Treason – When The War Isn’t Over

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Hyperbole and a half – best ever #currentsituation

My ovaries are being assholes. I bought into the whole “Hysterectomy will change your life for the better” sales pitch two years ago, and while the pathology report on my uterus confirmed it was medically necessary , and I had been in constant pain and misery since starting my period at 12 years old, what I have left for lady parts won’t settle the fck down.

I had what is considered a total hysterectomy (ovarian status is apparently completely separate) where the cervix and uterus are removed. I opted for the laparoscopic procedure for (in theory) less down time and faster recovery. I still have my ovaries, and honestly I’d have to go back to the post op report to see if I kept my tubes , but the bulk of the defective equipment was given the eviction notice April 15th 2014. Tax Day!

However my recovery was neither speedy or easy, because my Ehlers Danlos makes everything a slow painful process and likes to create excess scare tissue, inflammation and adhesion’s.

Two years later I still feel like the surgery ruined my life , even though it was a necessary evil . I had extensive adenomyosis that had grown in to the wall of my uterus which had started mottling and essentially dying. So the baby incubator’s time was up. I’ve never quite shaken that feeling of my insides being pulled on and lucky me I still have a cycle, so the “functional” cysts my ovaries are so fond of making are always making their regular appearance along with the bloating, terrible skin and mood swings.

However lately it feels that my ovaries are on some kind of self destruct mission in a final act of treason, since being the usual assholes they normally are , wasn’t enough. Any benefit I had post hysterectomy has now been completely negated by the bullshit my ovaries are currently creating.

starwars

From all the pain, pulling, bloating and general feeling like hell I can only assume that my ovaries have constructed some underwater pod like city similar to Otoh Gunga ( yes I made a Star Wars reference but that’s the best comparison to what I imagine is going on). As you can imagine this has put a damper on getting back on the fitness & running wagon, although I managed to heal my stress fracture nicely and have started at square one. AGAIN.

It’s super frustrating because it’s one thing after another, but the most important thing you can do is to get back up, every time. It’s really disheartening to go from being at your best physically,emotionally, etc, then to be continuously knocked down, sidetracked, tripped, you name it. You have to let go of where you were and start from scratch otherwise that perfectionist mentality will kill your motivation.

So yes, while it’s been a two year downward slide since my surgery, I continue to fight whatever bullshit comes my way , because eventually I will be able to climb to the top of Mt FuckThisShit and give everything I’ve been through the middle finger.

queen

So doctor’s appointments and tests next week, slowly getting back to the gym and running, and lots of spanx for the weddings and events that I will be attending in the upcoming weeks.

If you’re going through something similar, or even if you’re not, do not let that negative voice in your head bring you down. That bitch doesn’t know sH*t. Allow your self to think positively about your self, do things that you enjoy and just because you are not where you thought you would be or want to be, doesn’t mean you won’t get there eventually. Stressing your self out only makes things worse and slows down your goals. It’s okay to love your self , even when you’re not at the top of your game.

 

~Birdie

 

 

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