On Why Labels are Self Limiting, For Lazy People and Generally Just Bullshit

Odd-Duck-Out

Just Add Glitter

 

 

When you are going through cognitive behavioral therapy and you take an honest look back into the mitigating factors and influences that shaped your emotional character you start to question a lot of “standards”. I’ve always been told I was emotional or moody, I came off as disinterested or naive. I coasted though high school with a 3.08 GPA , which is pretty damn decent for putting in very little effort. I moved on to a community college where i changed majors four or more times and went from honors in the first semester to barely escaping academic probation in the second semester. I thought there was something wrong with me , and after completing the neuro psych game of plinko I was awarded the distinction of having ADHD with the runner up prize of anxiety and OCD. I’m starting to think I was just bored.

Growing up I was afraid to figure out what I was passionate about. I was so caught up in blending in that I ignored any natural strengths or talents that, ironically, I envied in other people. I think to an extent get trapped in our comfort zone of what we perceive as ‘good’ or ‘normal’. Any bursts of creativity or hints of individuality would leave me exhausted, then I’d go picking it apart for anything I thought was a mistake, the frustration that followed would turn into shame and embarrassment. I thought these spontaneous moments of authentic creativity were some kind of flawed hyper active manic behavior that escaped the clutches of the¬†medication that was supposed to contain them. I didn’t want to be the weird girl, and here I was , feeling like now I was the weird girl on meds. Instead of using these assumed diagnoses as a directive to direct me into more productive and healthy behaviors I used it as an excuse to allow myself to be contained into a particular set of emotional and behavioral patterns and the medications were not tools to me, they were answers. If you treat it this way and you face any kind of struggle or challenge it will end up leaving you feeling like there was something ‘wrong’ with you, medication and diagnoses are not answers they are tools to help you help your self.

It Could Be Contagious

It Could Be Contagious

Labels are bullshit. It encourages dysfunctional thinking, allows you to be lazy and just fall into the thought pattern of “well I must behave this way because I’m {insert disorder/diagnosis of choice). People are not commodities to be sorted. Everyone has the capacity to grow beyond their own self imposed limitations if they allow themselves to. The degree to which you obtain genuine fulfillment is determined by your ability to accept something that is not infinitely guaranteed or tangibly measured.

When I look at my 14 year journey to finish the associates degree for the career that I was expected to be passionate about when I didn’t even know what it was I wanted out of life, it makes sense now. The first semester I was able to get good grades and focus because I was excited to be in college and participating in life like everyone else. The second semester when you need more focused areas of study that set you apart in order to complete your path to this supposed perfect career choice, I freaked out. I freaked out because I was unsure of my choices , I wasn’t confident in myself because I didn’t know myself . I did things to make everyone else happy, and when it came time to make myself happy it was the most uncomfortable and friggin frightening thing in the world. I didn’t love myself, hell I didn’t even like myself, so how was I to expect anyone else to. I was suffocating under the stagnancy of ‘normal’. I was an odd duck in a small pond. Now that I’m working on these dysfunctional behaviors and working on a stronger sense of self I am understanding that it’s not that I’m simply just an ‘odd duck’. I’m a glittery odd duck in a sea of m***erf***ng awesomeness. Getting your mind right is the most important step in understanding that there was nothing wrong with it in the first place.

 

I'm the weird girl. Red is my power color. Glittery amazing weirdness.

I’m the weird girl. Red is my power color. Glittery amazing weirdness.

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