Warning ~ Disclaimer : I am not a medical professional , I do not claim to be an expert in any field , this blog is composed entirely of my personal experiences , opinions and snarky satire . It is not intended to offend or make fun of anyone except myself and I make light of various medical experiences some more serious in nature than others . After having more time in the hospital , surgeries, medical tests and doctor visits combined than actual birthdays , this is my coping mechanism . Other folks may have different ways to process what had happened to them , this is mine . I may come off as immature , uneducated or callous , this is my take on my own experience , end of story . If there is any chance of you being personally offended or harbor any sensitivity about health care matters , then move along this blog isn’t for you . I’ve have suffered more than my fair share in my life and cheated death on numerous occasions , for me I feel life is too short and precious to take everything so seriously . I still maintain respect and dignity but I’m not going to let it change who I am . Moral of the story : take your butt hurt somewhere else .
The first 10 days post op were really difficult for me . I was having a rough time dealing emotionally and physically with my decision to go through with my hysterectomy , a ‘buyers remorse’ if you will . It always seems like a good idea at the time , then the finality of your decision hits you .
* holy shit what did I do *
My healing wasn’t going as smoothly as anticipated , my insides felt like they were scooped out with jai ahlai baskets , my stitches were pulling and I felt as if someone was pushing down into my kidneys . My belly button also looked like a giant zit , not a high priority in the grand scheme of things I know but it was another thing to irritate the shit out of me.
I’m my own worst enemy . My impatience is something legends are made of. I can’t stand sitting around, it makes me want to crawl out of my skin . I’m sure the cleaning , laundry and errands helped . We brought our kids to a birthday party over this past weekend where I literally did nothing but alternate between sitting and standing . My lower back felt like it was trying to devour me from the bottom up , the pressure was so bad . Then it happened . IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!!
Nothing ruins your day quite like constipation . Try 11 days of painful , nauseating , crying , pleading , every over the counter remedy taking – constipation . I hadn’t been able to feel anything since the surgery and was terrified that plumbing was broken . Worry no more muahahaha !!! Since then I’ve felt so much better . I’m assuming it had been due to the surgery ‘ disturbing ‘ that area since I had stopped taking pain meds 9 days before . Pain meds and I are not friends , a hysterectomy is the last kind of surgery you want the pukes with .Moral of the story kids , don’t every let your self get constipated .
My two week follow up was yesterday . My incisions were healing nicely , even my belly button looked less zit like . I still feel puffy and squishy but no where near as bad as before . I had my first ever internal exam that didn’t hurt . It previously always felt like 1,000 little knives stabbing me in the cork and then I’d get all crampy in the uterus and I was afraid of getting diarrhea. All from a simple GYN internal .
Then . Something that I never thought I’d get : validation .
My surgeon informed me that endometriosis wasn’t the culprit behind my life time of unrelenting pain and bleeding – something previous doctors had assumed I had based on family history and coincidental findings .
Adenomyosis – a harder to diagnose dysfunction of the uterus – was . The base layer of the endometrium (1st layer) had grown into the muscle of the uterus itself . Essentially under a microscope the muscle resembles a sponges and acts much in the same way . Sometimes ultrasound can “suggest” there’s an irregularity in the uterine muscle , as mine had back last May.The only was to officially diagnose is through pathology . There is no cure , the only way to free your self from the clutches of this pain is having a hysterectomy . There was no “all better” for me , this surgery was the absolute right decision for me . My pain was real , it was not in my head , validation in the purest sense of the word was mine .
Validation not in the sense that I was “right” , because honestly I could care less . It was the validation for all that I had been suffering from since I got my period at 12 years old , I had not been ” making it up” or “over reacting ” as suggested by two previous practices , I was not going to be just another legacy of pain that was ” part of being a woman ” .
It’s hard to believe in your self when you always hear ” you’re wrong”, patronized or essentially punished for doing what you thought was right . All you can do is keep your head up and move on . Listen to your body , you are the one who lives in it . Having a chronic illness is physically and emotionally draining , especially when dealing with doctors who are less than helpful . They are out there , doctors who are willing and can help. Sometimes you may even doubt your decision , whatever it may be , the only thing that is definite is that life keeps going . Whatever decision you choose it is important that you make peace with it , whether it’s with healthcare , your personal life or otherwise, you are the one who has to live with it . I know it’s easier said than done , but life is so much more than just ” getting by “, life is meant for living . I’ll always have chronic pain and medical oddities , that isn’t fixable . I do however have a period free life ahead of me , even though I’ll still get PMS , and a parasite of a uterus gone . I might be in pieces but I’m not broken .