On Being Your Own Compass

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A view of my belly , the scar from my 1st ever surgery : corrective heart surgery & thyectomy at 14 months old, joint fusion and the scars on my wrist from all the IV’s – I no longer have accessible veins in that area.

Recently I had entertained the idea of having my surgical scars cosmetically revised , more specifically the ones on my navel . I’ve been caring for my incisions as instructed by my surgeon but my body just isn’t having it . My best guess is that the stitches are being rejected and my body is trying to push them out . I called my doctor yesterday but since I lack a fever , accompanying swelling , redness or oozing I was told to ‘just keep an eye on it’ and wait for my follow up appointment next week .

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9 days post op . It will add to the nice scar collection I’ve got going on my belly.

I’ve had 3 laporoscopic procedures done , the first two were for endometriosis and the last one obviously was the hysterectomy . My second endo surgery resulted in a nice ER trip to have the puss sucked out after my genius surgeron didn’t stitch up the incision bc he wanted it to “heal naturally” . That works out really well , if your looking for a raging case of peritonitis . Asshat . I ended up with a nice thick scar that is shaped like a pitchfork.

My belly button scars will be in good company in the menagerie of surgical scars I’ve got going on . The majority of them are hypertrophic scars , wide and flat , courtesy of my Ehlers Danlos and dysfunctional collagen . The ones on my shoulder are particularly problematic , the tension from constantly being pulled causes inflammation and itching , even years after the fact . I’ve gotten around four or five cortisone shots that had helped briefly but they just get angry and swollen again . I was told I don’t have a lot of options bc of where it is and any cutting into it would most likely make it worse . My next endeavor may be laser but I haven’t gotten that far yet .

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Going back to considering revision on my belly scars – unlike my shoulder scars they don’t hurt , they’re just unattractive and irritating in that it’s a reminder that it probably could’ve been prevented had my first gyn not been a total and complete moron . It’s a frustration fueled want .

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Bunionectomy & bunionette both feet twice , a tattoo covers a scar from a cyst removal on the top of my right foot. It can been faintly seen under the right wing .

As I continued stewing I thought maybe I just needed to change the way I was looking at it . All I was really doing was picking myself apart , and old habits die hard . My scars are a map of where I’ve been , not where I’m going . I’ve always taken the road less traveled , not always by choice , but I’ve been a fairly decent navigator so far. My scars may not be pretty , conveniently located or easily explained . Inevitably I get asked about one , which leads to a condition that’s hard to pronounce , poorly understood even when you dumb it down , leads to the show and tell of the rest of my scars . The look. The look of pity is the worst . I don’t want your pity – I don’t feel bad for me and neither should you . Shit just happens . Sometimes it defies explanation , ‘things happen for a reason ‘ or “god works in mysterious ways ” doesn’t work for me , it just is what it is . I’m thinking that I might just let well enough alone .

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Problem solved

 

~Birdie

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