Recently I’ve received some messages from people saying what an inspiration I was dealing with all these medical issues while keeping a positive attitude. It made my feelers all feelie. I mainly post things because I think I’m hilarious, or so I can remember them for later since I can’t remember crap. Scientifically speaking I shouldn’t be here, as in I should be taking a dirt nap instead of posting these gasps of poetic genius . I spent a lot of my childhood in the hospital or at home reining supreme as the “sick kid” while all my friends got to play kick ball. After you’ve told death to F*** off on more than one occasion the important things in life become a little more clearer. While I may not be able to control what my health issues do to me , I can control my mind set and how I approach my outlook on life.
I’m not saying that I haven’t thrown myself a nice little quaint pity party, you can totally be pissed off, “woah is me”, and hate everything. Processing your emotions is part of being a responsible adult. You just shouldn’t give up and decide to set up camp there. Besides I hate camping, there’s bugs and stuff.
I probably come off as immature, lackadaisical, or that I just don’t care. For the most part you’d be right. Life is too short and precious, I don’t feel like I have the privilege of sweating the small stuff. I’m going to go ahead and sound super cliche right now, but if you don’t like your situation, then you need to change your mind set. Either change the way you approach a situation, the way you think or react, or physically make a change. Period, end of story. Too much stress goes into wishing away your life when you should be loving the life you have.
That is why I finally went ahead with the hysterectomy. I had held onto the idea of another baby when I already had two happy healthy children. I felt like my identity was wrapped up in this ability and even just having the proper equipment . The trade for retaining this was pain, suffering and being in bed most of the day. That is not living your life. I let it go and changed my plans so I could enjoy my family and live the life I wanted. Sometimes you just need to refocus and change your goals, it may not be what you intended but sometimes things aren’t always meant to go as planned.
I’ve changed a lot – pain, frustration and sadness has given me physical , emotional and mental strength and perseverance. I guess it’s embedded in my nature, I’ve got a bit of an obstinate streak. Good, bad, or indifferent, if you tell me I can’t do something I’m going to find a way to do it. “I can’t” has been traded in for “I will”. I’ve also done a lot of personal inventory . I’ve cut down a ton on the negative self talk, by having more respect for myself I’ve noticed that I’ve been teaching people how to treat me. I don’t put up with bullshit, I cut out the middle man, if you can’t be a decent human being you can GTFO. A lot of times we put value on other people’s needs and neglect our own, and end up feeling the pangs of unfufillment. Treat your self well, treat others how you would like to be treated and surround your self with people that are positive influences on your life. I call it the tri fecta of win.