Status Post Spelunking

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I had grande plans to skip hop home after surgery since it was being done laperoscopic I figured less pain means I can skip the catheter and sleep in my own bed .

*NEGATIVE*

I spend one night in casa de la surgical suite with my pee purse by my side . Let me tell you . Nothing is quite as tortuous as a catheter that won’t drain properly . Surprisingly the visceral raw pain I had envisioned didn’t pan out , I think I was more apprehensive and tense about the pain I thought would be there . I had blinding pain post op that was so intense it made me shiver , although I couldn’t pin point it since I was all hopped up on anesthesia .

I learned that I apparently became combative in the OR . I had given then a short list of meds to not give me under any circumstances (see: versed) . I remember laying on the OR table and they pushed a med that I immediately felt pressure in my neck . NOT WANT!!! whatever the f that was apparently set me off bc it was gloves off .

I woke up to my work friends daughter as my nurse . Small world . It was like she floated out of the heavens just for me and made all my pain go away . I remember telling her that everyone knows nurses do all the work that doctors take credit for , how I loved nurses and I may or may not have asked her to marry me . It should also be noted her face was the first one I remember seeing post op . My husband told me the anesthesiologist was scared to wake me up , so this may have something to do with it .

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Nurses travel on rainbow filled clouds – true story .

I loathe pain meds mainly bc they don’t work and make me feel like crap . I wasn’t trying to be a tough guy however and was on a strict 4 hour schedule so I could keep the pain level tolerable . I got zero sleep in the hospital between the breakthrough pain , catheter snafu and machine alarms going off every 20 minutes .

I didn’t get too many details from my surgeon other than I did have adhesions and everything went great during surgery . The adhesions are why I assume it felt like I had a sea urchin dragging it’s way through my body .

Day 2 post op consisted of me loafing around at home taking my first real shower and enjoying the comforts of gas pockets trapped in my chest , neck & shoulders. Shits no joke – I almost went back to the ER , I thought I had a blood clot and was dying . Gas pockets might be worse than the hysterectomy , or at the very least a close second .

Day 3 post op – I had the kids to myself since my husband had to go back to work . I was feeling ok , drove ( no pain meds ) to get my son a hair cut and other errands . About an hour later I was exhausted , went home and let
the kids do whatever they wanted . I’m not sure if they even brushed their teeth . I thought since I felt ok it’d be fine to pretend I’m human for half a day . nope

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I’ll let you take all this in . Yep . Day 4 of bed confinement at it’s best .

Day 4 post op and I’m not too shabby . In starting to shuffle along more human like and less penguin like . I feel barrel chested a la tweedle de and tweedle dum due to the odd swelling that seems concentrated in my belly . I managed to chauffeur to ballet and go without pain meds til lunchtime . It’s a rather odd feeling , kind of like a weight has literally been lifted off . The space that use to be occupied by kraang is now light and airy . I don’t feel like I have that dragging exhaustion . I also have acquired a penchant for hockey fights and red meat and have made several inappropriate gestures towards my husband . So that’s rather confusing but so far it’s a much better trade in .

-Birdie

An updated pain scale created by hyperboleandahalf
(Gas Pockets are def a 10!!)

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