Pass The Excederin – Adventures in House Hunting

Welcome to my randomness. I’m STILL waiting for the scheduler from the dr’s office to call me about a surgery date, which is fine since Kraaaannng is perfectly content in self destruct mode. Whatevs. So in the mean time we’ve been entertaining the idea of getting our own place since my debt is FINALLY MUTHA FUGGIN PAIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD YEAAAAAAAAAAH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!! We sauntered into the local credit union (I have a deep distrust in big banks) and with in 10 minutes of the pre qualification process we were like deer in head lights and I had a migraine. The bank lady could’ve been speakin Mandarin and I wouldn’t have known the difference.Turns out trying to get a mortgage is a giant pain in the nuts. It’s like they’ve taken the most ass backwards regulations and during a game of beer pong set up the parameters in which you would be approved for a mortgage.

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‘One of you has almost perfect credit and the other has crap ass credit – fck it – lets go with the lowest score of both of the applicants’

-Makes perfect sense

‘Both applicants work full time in established career fields and make a decent income’

-Sorry you make too much money to qualify for 75 % of the programs availible

‘If the applicant with the super fabulous credit tried to get a mortgage on their own you would only be approved for $130,000 which is roughly enough to buy a tent on a quarter acre. Oh and you can’t get the special insurance that you need to get’

-Right.

‘Even if both of the applicants had great credit , due to them “making too much money” {we don’t make that much more only $15,000 above the limit} they would need a $15,000 down payment’

-FML

So due to the credit repair that apparently needs to happen for one of us and the lack of funds {seriously who the hell has $15,000?!?!?} we are now looking into renting. Which I guess could be a blessing in disguise, we wouldn’t be saddled with a nightmare of a house for the rest of our life and it would be easier to pack up and leave in the future vs if we owned a house and had to worry about selling it. We’ve been talking to a realtor who has been giving us some listings to look at, he’s even offered us his mother’s home which is in my primo dream spot down town . I almost died with excitement , I have always wanted to live where this house is, its with in 5 minutes of everything : grocery store, gas, schools, library, down town. However he did say it was an older house and while it’s not in the best shape its also not in the worst shape and is offering it to us for $1400/month which is like finding a unicorn around here never mind 5 minutes from the beach. My concern is if its a wood paneled paradise complete with wall to wall shag carpeting I don’t know if that is something I could over look, especially where it’s not my house and I wouldn’t be able to rip that shit out. I can’t be Carol Brady even if it is in my dream neighborhood.

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This would be a deal breaker for me. How was this ever Ok?!?!?!

THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!

Aside from fitting into our budget of under $1800/month , not being next to a crackhole, not in a high crime area, being clean and fairly updated (see : ABSOLUTELY NO WOOD PANELING OR SHAG CARPETING UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES) and no dead people , I don’t think we’re asking too much. It’s definitely going to be an adventure I know that, but we’ll see what happens, all I know is that we need our own space ASAP!

Trying to navigate this whole home ownership thing gives me migraines like you read about. We go to the bank and get denied but I apply online and we’re approved , then I worry about hidden costs and other things that could be possibly missing from that approval that we would need. I’ve been reading articles about mortgages and qualification processes and it’s just insanity. Is it really worth buying into this headache. I don’t know. Obviously everyone wants to be able to say they own their own home, but there’s quite a few people I know that have bought into a nightmare and have said if they could do it all over again they would’ve never bought a home and stayed renting. There’s also positives and negatives to both, but right now I think I’m comfortable with renting. We’ll see what happens.

I even tried out the NY times buying versus renting calculator that factors in mortgage rates, down payment, taxes, rent etc and calculates it over a 6 year time span to show you the difference. In my case it was minimal, I’d be saving $324 a YEAR if I bought a house. There’s also a decent article in Forbe’s that explains why being a homeowner isn’t always as cracked up as its made out to be, one big expensive ball and chain – that you are legally and financially responsible for – that can make or brake you. Don’t like the place you’re renting ? Got a promotion and can afford a bigger pad? Great! You can get up and move – not so easy with a house note attached to your ass.  Now there’s plenty of people who will shit on my parade and tell me why that’s the dumbest thing they’ve ever heard and buying a house is absolutely the best thing you can do. Well that’s great and all, but what works for one person won’t work for the next. Today’s modern family isn’t like it use to be , the American dream and more importantly – economy has changed. Honestly I’m mentally exhausted from this whole process and we just started, I don’t know that I could handle going through the whole mortgage and buying process.

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My demeanor in the lending office.

On a side note – OMFG MARK WAHLBERG YES SWEET BABY JESUS

Plus I’ll be honest, I don’t like being tied down, I’m a free spirit, I don’t want to feel trapped in a house I don’t want.

-Birdie

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