Long time no rant. What have I been up to for the past almost two weeks? Not a whole lot aside from mentally torturing myself about the hysterectomy while at the same time growing ever more impatient and eying salad tongs to remove my own uterus in a fit of rage. This winter has sucked ass big time, we get it, it’s winter but enough with the damn snow, it’s snowing where there is psalm trees and that is just wrong.
I drove an hour north to the surgical consult for the hysterectomy just to puss out and not sign the form. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me I should’ve signed it, and upon my moment of clarity this morning I called the office to see if I could go ahead and schedule the surgery. I was then told I’d have to see the surgeon AGAIN and his next available appointment was in two weeks . *que meltdown* After calling the office a total of three times today I finally spoke to the surgeon and he said it was fine and he would go ahead and have his scheduler contact my insurance and get a surgery date worked out which most likely be another six weeks from now. Awesomesauce.
It’s been rough emotionally for me , I’ll go from ‘ Let’s do this!!!!!!!!!’ to weeping and feeling suffocated by pregnant people and infants. On a side note, holy shit facebook with the pregnancy, about half, literally , of the people I talk to on there are pregnant or just hatched. Anywho, I think that I am more in love with the IDEA of a baby then actually having a baby. There’s a strict no return policy so I’m not chancing it. Also having EDS I know it wouldn’t be fair to pass it on now that I know I have it, sometimes the heart just doesn’t want to give in to common sense but I’m working through it.
Per the surgeon with the laproscopic surgery my down time will be around two weeks which is a lot better than the abdominal option that is around six or more weeks. I’m keeping the hatchery (ovaries) so I’m not sling shot into menopause. He said I could have residual endometriosis since the ovaries are the proverbial gas to the fire, but I should be feeling a lot better than I am right now. I believe they’re going to be sending the uterus of doom to be autopsied or diagnostic lab or whatever, to be officially diagnosed with adenomyosis. Either way it feels like there is a rock in my belly that is ripping its way through my body and I’m over it, that bitch can go.
I do have a plan to take care of myself and be the best version of me post surgery , unlike the miserable trudging through the day version of me right now. I try the best I can to not let the uterus of doom dictate my well being, but its hard to ignore labor like contractions while your driving or at the gym. My uterus is a real asshole. So I am trying to focus on the future and how amazeballs its gonna be and knowing that kraaaaaaang the uterus of doom will be getting its eviction soon enough and I can actually live my life.
That’s all I have for gems of wisdom, time to prepare for the next impending snowstorm. New England gets it, it’s winter, but we’re over it.
Duluth Minnesota Blizzard March of 2007. I would lose my shit, true story.